Navigating love in the digital age: risks and rewards for older adults
SHAREEZ BAGARIA
A WISE man once said, “love quickens all the senses except the common”.
And we have witnessed this unfold in countless ancient tales of tragic love.
In Samson and Delilah – from the Bible. Delilah tricks Samson into revealing the secret of his strength (his hair), then betrays him to his enemies, leading to his capture and death.
The Great Gatsby (F Scott Fitzgerald) Jay Gatsby and Daisy Buchanan. Gatsby spends years believing Daisy loves him as much as he loves her, only to be abandoned when she chooses wealth and comfort over love.
In Othello, Othello is manipulated by Iago into believing Desdemona is unfaithful, leading him to kill her out of jealousy before learning he was deceived.
And, in more modern stories, Frozen (Disney) Anna and Hans. Anna believes Prince Hans loves her, but he reveals he was only using her to seize power.
Yet, for all its power, love often dulls common sense. Logic fades beneath longing, red flags turn rose-coloured, and reason is cast aside in favour of reckless devotion. Love sharpens sight but blinds judgement, making even the wisest fools in its embrace.
Before online dating, lonely hearts adverts were a common way for people to find companionship and love. Adverts typically included information about the person's age, religion, income, social status, and interests. The Matrimonial News was the first newspaper to be dedicated solely to lonely hearts adverts.
By 1900, there were many weekly or monthly newspapers that were entirely made up of lonely-hearts ads. Some read like this:
“Barbara, 60s, tired of being on my own! Petite, brunette, looking for male for friendship possibly relationship. Looks unimportant.”
“Mature gentleman, 62, aged well, noble grey looks, fit and active, sound mind and unfazed by the fickle demands of modern society seeks... damn it, I have to pee again.”
Fast forward to over 100 years, and online dating seems to be the solution to loneliness.
Tinder, is a popular online dating app that revolutionised modern dating with its swipe-based matching system, allowing users to quickly like or reject potential matches. Launched in 2012, it simplified online dating by focusing on photos and short bios, making casual connections more accessible.
During 1990s to 2000s, early dating websites like Match.com and eHarmony used detailed questionnaires for compatibility-based matching.
Then in 2010. Mobile apps like Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge shifted the focus to quick, location-based swiping.
By 2020 and beyond, AI and video dating features have become more common, emphasising authenticity and safety while catering to different relationship preferences.
Overall, online dating has evolved from long-form matchmaking to instant connections, with increasing personalisation and security measures.
However, people now use online dating apps for various reasons such as:
Convenience and accessibility, expanding social circles, casual or serious relationships, efficiency and filtering, shyness and confidence building.
Dating apps and their risks
While dating apps offer convenience and opportunities to meet new people, they also come with risks, including:
Privacy and data security: apps collect personal data, which can be vulnerable to breaches or misuse. Location tracking can expose users to safety risks.
Scams and catfishing: some users create fake profiles to scam or manipulate others for financial gain (romance scams). "Catfishing" involves pretending to be someone else to deceive others.
Emotional and psychological impact: repeated rejection or ghosting can affect self-esteem and mental health.
Risk of unsafe meetings: meeting strangers in person carries risks of assault, theft, or other harm.
However, older people are often targeted by scammers on online dating apps due to a combination of factors like limited familiarity with digital platforms, loneliness, and a desire for companionship.
Here's how they can fall victim to scams:
Romance scams, phishing and identity theft, fake investments and ponzi schemes, fake tech support, isolation and dependency, the scammer tries to keep the relationship secret or isolated, and requests for secrecy about money transactions or personal information.
In a recent incident, a 65-year-old widow fell victim to a romance scam, losing £150 000 over two years. After the loss of her husband and son, she sought companionship online in 2016 and connected with a man named "Steve," who later revealed his real name as Uby Johnson from Nigeria.
He exploited her emotional vulnerability by fabricating stories about his son's medical needs and legal issues, persuading her to send substantial amounts of money. When she grew suspicious, Johnson resorted to threats. Upon confiding in her children, they convinced her to cease all financial support, preventing further loss.
This case highlights the emotional and financial devastation that romance scams can inflict, especially on older individuals seeking companionship. Scammers often create fake profiles, build trust over time, and fabricate crises to solicit money. It's crucial to be cautious with online relationships, avoid sending money to individuals not personally known, and report any suspicious activities to authorities.
Older single people should never be shamed for seeking love, as companionship and emotional connection are fundamental human needs at any age. Society often places undue pressure on older individuals to remain alone or prioritise other aspects of life over romance, but love has no expiration date. Whether due to divorce, widowhood, or simply never having found the right person, many older individuals still desire meaningful relationships.
Online dating and social opportunities provide them with a chance to find companionship, break loneliness, and experience joy. Instead of shaming them, we should encourage and support their pursuit of happiness. Love is not just for the young - it is timeless and enriching at any stage of life. By fostering an open and accepting attitude, we can create a world where older individuals feel empowered, not judged, for embracing love and companionship. Everyone deserves love, regardless of age.
How to protect older people:
Education: help them understand the signs of scams and teach them not to share personal information with strangers.
Technology: set up security features, such as two-factor authentication and privacy settings, on their devices and apps.
Support: encourage regular check-ins and discussions about their online activity.
Resources: report suspicious behavior to the app or platform and contact authorities if necessary.
By staying aware and cautious, older individuals can reduce the risk of falling prey to scams and enjoy the benefits of online dating in a safer way.
Shareez Bagaria is a Comensa-certified life coach and an EQ coach.
** The views expressed do not necessarily reflect the views of IOL or Independent Media.